Saturday, March 24, 2007

What is courage?
Do you have it?
There was a time when I thought I knew, but now?
I don't know.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Maybe Today

I've been caught up with family and spiritual things. Sorry i haven't been posting here often lately. Heres something I listened to and really felt the meaning of. I thought you guys would enjoy it.
Poison like the air we breath in
This complicated world we weave
Spins around, pulls us down
This life we lead is overrated
Mixed up, fucked up
That's the way
So they say
And all we ever need
Is a chance to be
Freedom lies beneath reality
Find a way
Maybe today
And all the fairytales and fantasies
Can we find a way where we can be free?
Underneath the way we feel
We've lost ourselves between what's real
No lost and found
We're broken down
Take a piece of someone's dreams
They're never simple as it seems
They're thrown away
Like yesterday
All we ever needFreedom lies beneath reality
Just find a way
Oh maybe it's today
All the fairytales and fantasies
Can we find a way
Where we can be free?
Find a way today
We all will be alone
If this house is not a home
It won't be too long before the air is gone
The love that lonely people crave
Follows them into their grave
We should never leave them lonely
All we ever need
Freedom lies beneath
Find a way (find a way)
Al the fairytales and fantasies
That you need is within
Find a way today

Monday, September 18, 2006

Abu Nuwas, The Legendary Man of Verse

A gentle fawn passed around the cup
Delicate of waist and slim of flank,
“Will you be on your way, come morn?” he chirped.
“How can we bear to leave?” came the reply.
He glided among us and made us drunk,
And we slept, but as the cock was about to crow
I made for him, my garments trailing, my ram ready for butting.
When I plunged my spear into him
He awoke as a wounded man awakes from his wounds.
“You were an easy kill,” said I, “so let’s have no reproaches.”
“You win, so take what you will, but give me fair reward.”
So after I had placed my saddle bag upon him he burst into song,
“Are you not the most generous rider ever, of all Allah’s creatures?”

Abu Nuwas is considered one of the greatest gay poets of all time. he wrote at a time when homosexuality was not nearly as taboo as it is now. He did spend time in prison for his various transgresions, and in that vein, he had Oscar Wilde beat by about 1300 years.

His mother, a persian, sold him into slavery as a child. He was fathered by a soldier from Damascus. The man who bought him, a druggist from Basra, would later free him and they lived as lovers for the years of his young manhood.

Eventually he would go on to study with Khalaf al-Ahmar, a master or pre-Islamic poetry and live amongst the Bedouins.

his verses celebrate what he considered the finer things in life, and while he went on to recieve the patronage of several Caliphs, he was ocasionally jailed for his love of alcohol and unrepentant atraction to men.

Eventually, a later Caliph even hired him to be the private mentor of the son and heir of the Caliph and a great bit of his love poetry of that era of his life is dedicated to that relationship.

he became a living legend and was even written about in the great work, The Thousand Nights And A Night, a collection of ancient tales from Persia, India, and Arabia dating to the ninth century.

He will forever be a hero of mine.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Fear and Loathing In America

Kahil and I were talking tonight about the fact that often substance is overlooked on gay sites and people go for pictures and visual content. it reminded me that lately I haven't really been speaking out about things as much as I should be.

I want to encourage people to go to kahils site and read his perspectives. He is a good man and his site is a damned good read. Just follow the link to the right.

the conversation I had with him reminded me of a movie. I watched V for Vendetta a while back, and one speech from that movie has stuck in my mind. It has stuck because its more honest than any politician in our day and age will ever dare to be. It's amazing that art and film can speak to us in ways that we are afraid to.just read this speech and tell me what you think.

and remember.... I am not advocating violence in anyway

I am just advocating the truth that we have the power in our hands to make a difference if and when we choose to use it.

I thought it was time we had a little talk.

Are you sitting comfortably?

Good, then I'll begin.

Right now, I imagine there are hundreds of soldiers rushing here to kill me because someone does not want us to talk.They are afraid that I am going to say the things that are not supposed to be said.

They are afraid that I am going to say the truth.

The truth is that there is something terribly wrong with this country,isn't there?

If you look about, you witness cruelty, injustice and despotism.

But whatdo you do about it?

What can you do?

You are but a single individual. How can you possible make any difference?

Individuals have no power in this modern world.That is what you've been taught because that is what they need you to believe.

But it is not true.

This is why they are afraid and the reason that I am here; to remind you that it is individuals who always hold the power.

The real power.

Individuals like me.

And individuals like you.

And who are they?

how did this happen?

who is to blame?

certainly there are those more responsible than others and will be held accountable, the truth is if you are looking for the guilty parties, you need only to look in the mirror to see who the real culprit is.

I know why you did it.

I know you were afraid.

Who wouldn't be...war, terror and plagues.

there were a myriad of thingsthat transpired to corrupt your reason and robb you of your common sense.

Fear got the best of you.

They offered you order and in exchange you gave them your silent obedient consent.

I have come to offer you a deal. If you accept, I will give you a different world. A world without curfews, without soldiers and surveillance systems. A world that is not run by other men but that is run by you.
I am offering you a second chance.

Four hundred years ago, a great citizen made a most significant contribution to our common culture. It was a contribution forged in secrecy and stealth although it is best remembered in noise and bright light. To commemorate that glorious night at precisely the stroke of midnight, the edifice of their world will erupt with enough sound and fury to shake the earth.

All I ask is that you join me at the gates to watch as the past is erased, the pathway cleared so that together we can start toward a new day.

But, you ask, who am I to make such promises?A fair question but hardly necessary as you know me already.

To know me any more you need only look to a mirror.

Truth be told, this wasn't even my idea, was it?

If you think back, you'll remember that night, whispering in your lover's arms. I became a part of your plan just as you have now become part of mine.

Give me the line of the queen and I'll give you your secret dream.

On the twelfth stroke of the fifth day of the eleventh month, I hope we shall all meet again.

Until then, I bid you goodnight.

Brother Mine

Well heres the story

as complicated as this is

my Brother has decided he wants to emigrate to the US. I found out when he and my father came to help me move that he recently came out as a gay man.

My father took this really hard as we are his only two sons. My mom died years back and he is really worried that he will have no grandsons.

that is a big deal to him. He also thinks that my choice to be openly gay has encouraged by little brother to make poor choices and to surrender to haram. in short... he blames me for my brother.


My brother is here for three months. After that his money and visa run out. I don't think he has the ability to get beyond the legal and financial barriers, but i will do my best to help him if i can.

now i have a really hard task of helping him not only adjust to life in a different nation, but also helping him with adjusting to living an openly gay life.I am honestly really intimidated by the responsibility.

I thought about whether or not to post about this, but i have never really shied away from being honest with you guys, so i guess i just had to say this outloud.

there is no real advice that anyone can give. I know he and I both need to find our way. I just hope he doesnt get hurt by the harsh cold gay world of america.

it worries me

Saturday, August 26, 2006


I wanted to take a few minutes to talk about a positive film depicting two gay men making love. It depicts the love between two men and their celebration of it by making love for Tony's camera.

The quality of the production makes it a valid film and has been recognized by various documentary awards. Althoug it is having a hard time with the censors in Australia presently, it is obviously a step in the right direction for all of us. It is also being used in HIV workshops as a positive depiction of sex within a monogamous relationship.

To check out the site and the Film click here.

I strongly urge the guys out there that enjoy gay adult material to invest in the film.

Damon and Hunter, a film by Comstock, is a high quality production. We aren't talking about Digital clips or video, we are talking about true film processes that many adult industry companies are just not willing to invest time and money into. The overall effect gives us something we have been all lacking... an example of just how erotic and beautiful sex is when its an expression of love between two people.

We all need to support the film and its place in our evolving community as a standard setter!!

Monday, August 21, 2006

Back in the Business

Madonna does bad girl better than anyone, and this one song in particular has always been a guilty pleasure.

Probably because its so easy for me to accept the bad guy identity due to my heritage and the current state of affairs in America

Enjoy it and think of me.

I'm gonna show you that good guys don't always win
I'm gonna show you the brighter side of living in sin.
So when you're six feet under, you won't wonder why
Just 'cause you got a halo don't mean that you can fly.
If you thought it was over, you're way off track
You made a blunder, and...

You put me back, back in business,
This ain't no hit or miss, I'm gonna get my way.
'Cause you put me back, back in business,
You're my first witness, and I'm here to stay.

I'm gonna show you good guys always finish last
Speaking of virtue, being nice is a thing of the past.
When I want something done, I'll say it with a gun
Just 'cause you're an angel don't mean you're having fun.
I just wanted to thank you for what you lack
Hope they don't hang you, 'cause...

A tisket, a tasket, you've lost your yellow basket

You don't know if you want to hit me or kiss me.

I just wanted to thank you for what you lack
Hope they don't hang you, 'cause...

He's back in business now
Give me a hand and I'll take a bow.
He's back in business now
Bah dah dah, bah dah dah, bah dah dah, bah dah dah.

He's coming back in style
Give me an inch and I'll take a mile.
He's back and why oh why
Bah dah dah, bah dah dah, bah dah dah, bah dah dah.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Do people ever really think?

I have come to the conclusion that people think that my identity as a gay muslim man is as dispensable as their opinions of muslims in the world.

Not only is my identity not dispensable, they simply aren't in the same ballpark.

I am tired of talking about it with people that cant tell the difference.

Just very frustrated and had to say it somewhere.