Through My Eyes

2007-03-24T23:02:00.000-07:00

What is courage?

Do you have it?

There was a time when I thought I knew, but now?

I don't know.

Maybe Today

2006-10-06T15:53:00.000-06:00

I've been caught up with family and spiritual things. Sorry i haven't been posting here often lately. Heres something I listened to and really felt the meaning of. I thought you guys would enjoy it.

Poison like the air we breath in

This complicated world we weave

Spins around, pulls us down

This life we lead is overrated

Mixed up, fucked up

Calculated

That's the way

So they say

And all we ever need

Is a chance to be

Freedom lies beneath reality

Find a way

Maybe today

And all the fairytales and fantasies

Can we find a way where we can be free?

Today

Underneath the way we feel

We've lost ourselves between what's real

No lost and found

We're broken down

Take a piece of someone's dreams

They're never simple as it seems

They're thrown away

Like yesterday

All we ever needFreedom lies beneath reality

Just find a way

Oh maybe it's today

All the fairytales and fantasies

Can we find a way

Where we can be free?

Find a way today

We all will be alone

If this house is not a home

It won't be too long before the air is gone

The love that lonely people crave

Follows them into their grave

We should never leave them lonely

All we ever need

Freedom lies beneath

Find a way (find a way)

Al the fairytales and fantasies

That you need is within

Find a way today

Anastasia

Abu Nuwas, The Legendary Man of Verse

2006-09-18T23:24:00.000-06:00

A gentle fawn passed around the cup
Delicate of waist and slim of flank,
“Will you be on your way, come morn?” he chirped.
“How can we bear to leave?” came the reply.
He glided among us and made us drunk,
And we slept, but as the cock was about to crow
I made for him, my garments trailing, my ram ready for butting.
When I plunged my spear into him
He awoke as a wounded man awakes from his wounds.
“You were an easy kill,” said I, “so let’s have no reproaches.”
“You win, so take what you will, but give me fair reward.”
So after I had placed my saddle bag upon him he burst into song,
“Are you not the most generous rider ever, of all Allah’s creatures?”

Abu Nuwas is considered one of the greatest gay poets of all time. he wrote at a time when homosexuality was not nearly as taboo as it is now. He did spend time in prison for his various transgresions, and in that vein, he had Oscar Wilde beat by about 1300 years.

His mother, a persian, sold him into slavery as a child. He was fathered by a soldier from Damascus. The man who bought him, a druggist from Basra, would later free him and they lived as lovers for the years of his young manhood.

Eventually he would go on to study with Khalaf al-Ahmar, a master or pre-Islamic poetry and live amongst the Bedouins.

his verses celebrate what he considered the finer things in life, and while he went on to recieve the patronage of several Caliphs, he was ocasionally jailed for his love of alcohol and unrepentant atraction to men.

Eventually, a later Caliph even hired him to be the private mentor of the son and heir of the Caliph and a great bit of his love poetry of that era of his life is dedicated to that relationship.

he became a living legend and was even written about in the great work, The Thousand Nights And A Night, a collection of ancient tales from Persia, India, and Arabia dating to the ninth century.

He will forever be a hero of mine.

Fear and Loathing In America

2006-09-17T21:21:00.000-06:00

Kahil and I were talking tonight about the fact that often substance is overlooked on gay sites and people go for pictures and visual content. it reminded me that lately I haven't really been speaking out about things as much as I should be.

I want to encourage people to go to kahils site and read his perspectives. He is a good man and his site is a damned good read. Just follow the link to the right.

the conversation I had with him reminded me of a movie. I watched V for Vendetta a while back, and one speech from that movie has stuck in my mind. It has stuck because its more honest than any politician in our day and age will ever dare to be. It's amazing that art and film can speak to us in ways that we are afraid to.just read this speech and tell me what you think.

and remember.... I am not advocating violence in anyway

I am just advocating the truth that we have the power in our hands to make a difference if and when we choose to use it.

I thought it was time we had a little talk.

Are you sitting comfortably?

Good, then I'll begin.

Right now, I imagine there are hundreds of soldiers rushing here to kill me because someone does not want us to talk.They are afraid that I am going to say the things that are not supposed to be said.

They are afraid that I am going to say the truth.

The truth is that there is something terribly wrong with this country,isn't there?

If you look about, you witness cruelty, injustice and despotism.

But whatdo you do about it?

What can you do?

You are but a single individual. How can you possible make any difference?

Individuals have no power in this modern world.That is what you've been taught because that is what they need you to believe.

But it is not true.

This is why they are afraid and the reason that I am here; to remind you that it is individuals who always hold the power.

The real power.

Individuals like me.

And individuals like you.

And who are they?

how did this happen?

who is to blame?

certainly there are those more responsible than others and will be held accountable, the truth is if you are looking for the guilty parties, you need only to look in the mirror to see who the real culprit is.

I know why you did it.

I know you were afraid.

Who wouldn't be...war, terror and plagues.

there were a myriad of thingsthat transpired to corrupt your reason and robb you of your common sense.

Fear got the best of you.

They offered you order and in exchange you gave them your silent obedient consent.

I have come to offer you a deal. If you accept, I will give you a different world. A world without curfews, without soldiers and surveillance systems. A world that is not run by other men but that is run by you.
I am offering you a second chance.

Four hundred years ago, a great citizen made a most significant contribution to our common culture. It was a contribution forged in secrecy and stealth although it is best remembered in noise and bright light. To commemorate that glorious night at precisely the stroke of midnight, the edifice of their world will erupt with enough sound and fury to shake the earth.

All I ask is that you join me at the gates to watch as the past is erased, the pathway cleared so that together we can start toward a new day.

But, you ask, who am I to make such promises?A fair question but hardly necessary as you know me already.

To know me any more you need only look to a mirror.

Truth be told, this wasn't even my idea, was it?

If you think back, you'll remember that night, whispering in your lover's arms. I became a part of your plan just as you have now become part of mine.

Give me the line of the queen and I'll give you your secret dream.

On the twelfth stroke of the fifth day of the eleventh month, I hope we shall all meet again.

Until then, I bid you goodnight.

Brother Mine

2006-09-17T11:51:00.000-06:00

Well heres the story

as complicated as this is

my Brother has decided he wants to emigrate to the US. I found out when he and my father came to help me move that he recently came out as a gay man.

My father took this really hard as we are his only two sons. My mom died years back and he is really worried that he will have no grandsons.

that is a big deal to him. He also thinks that my choice to be openly gay has encouraged by little brother to make poor choices and to surrender to haram. in short... he blames me for my brother.

so....

My brother is here for three months. After that his money and visa run out. I don't think he has the ability to get beyond the legal and financial barriers, but i will do my best to help him if i can.

now i have a really hard task of helping him not only adjust to life in a different nation, but also helping him with adjusting to living an openly gay life.I am honestly really intimidated by the responsibility.

I thought about whether or not to post about this, but i have never really shied away from being honest with you guys, so i guess i just had to say this outloud.

there is no real advice that anyone can give. I know he and I both need to find our way. I just hope he doesnt get hurt by the harsh cold gay world of america.

it worries me

Erotica

2006-08-26T12:09:00.000-06:00

I wanted to take a few minutes to talk about a positive film depicting two gay men making love. It depicts the love between two men and their celebration of it by making love for Tony's camera.

The quality of the production makes it a valid film and has been recognized by various documentary awards. Althoug it is having a hard time with the censors in Australia presently, it is obviously a step in the right direction for all of us. It is also being used in HIV workshops as a positive depiction of sex within a monogamous relationship.

To check out the site and the Film click here.

I strongly urge the guys out there that enjoy gay adult material to invest in the film.

Damon and Hunter, a film by Comstock, is a high quality production. We aren't talking about Digital clips or video, we are talking about true film processes that many adult industry companies are just not willing to invest time and money into. The overall effect gives us something we have been all lacking... an example of just how erotic and beautiful sex is when its an expression of love between two people.

We all need to support the film and its place in our evolving community as a standard setter!!

Back in the Business

2006-08-21T17:14:00.000-06:00

Madonna does bad girl better than anyone, and this one song in particular has always been a guilty pleasure.

Probably because its so easy for me to accept the bad guy identity due to my heritage and the current state of affairs in America

Enjoy it and think of me.

I'm gonna show you that good guys don't always win
I'm gonna show you the brighter side of living in sin.
So when you're six feet under, you won't wonder why
Just 'cause you got a halo don't mean that you can fly.
If you thought it was over, you're way off track
You made a blunder, and...

You put me back, back in business,
This ain't no hit or miss, I'm gonna get my way.
'Cause you put me back, back in business,
You're my first witness, and I'm here to stay.

I'm gonna show you good guys always finish last
Speaking of virtue, being nice is a thing of the past.
When I want something done, I'll say it with a gun
Just 'cause you're an angel don't mean you're having fun.
I just wanted to thank you for what you lack
Hope they don't hang you, 'cause...

A tisket, a tasket, you've lost your yellow basket

You don't know if you want to hit me or kiss me.

I just wanted to thank you for what you lack
Hope they don't hang you, 'cause...

He's back in business now
Give me a hand and I'll take a bow.
He's back in business now
Bah dah dah, bah dah dah, bah dah dah, bah dah dah.

He's coming back in style
Give me an inch and I'll take a mile.
He's back and why oh why
Bah dah dah, bah dah dah, bah dah dah, bah dah dah.

Do people ever really think?

2006-08-12T17:25:00.000-06:00

I have come to the conclusion that people think that my identity as a gay muslim man is as dispensable as their opinions of muslims in the world.

Not only is my identity not dispensable, they simply aren't in the same ballpark.

I am tired of talking about it with people that cant tell the difference.

Just very frustrated and had to say it somewhere.

Harvey Is Right

2006-08-08T18:11:00.000-06:00

I found this link on a site, Thanks Matty!!, and after listening to it about five times, I had to post it here.

http://www.inthelifetv.org/inthelife/outtakes/index.php?oID=4

it is one of the most honest appraisals of the state of Gay society and where the young gay men fit into it.

I have to admit that I welled up a little the first couple of times I listened.

I guess because he makes me feel like he's the father I wish I had. If all older gay men could see things as he does, guys like me would feel alot more a part of things.

Please take the time to listen.

really listen. Turn down the TV and the MP3 player and focus on every word.

You will do all of us a favor if you do.

if anybody knows Harvey, tell him thank you for me, and tell him to drop me a line!!

2006-08-07T09:52:00.000-06:00

So here's the thing....

How do we make the gay world a better place?

I don't do the alcohol thing for obvious reasons, and so that leaves me out of a HUGE chunk of what gay men do.

The Majority of my gay interactions now take place through a site called Just Us Boys. While they go to great lengths to make a safe haven for gays of all types to exchange ideas and forge real bonds of friendship, and are miles above all the gay on-line hook up sites, they are just one lone voice in the wilderness.

I have really enjoyed delving into the gay blogosphere, and I wonder...Why aren't the large chunk of non bar going and non casual sex type gays so limited in such an unlimited media?

If you guys have any ideas please post them in comments to this blog entry...

2006-08-04T20:41:00.000-06:00

The bombs keep falling in Lebanon and Israel

I feel so powerless

Do they realize that they are all God's children ?

Why have we, as a race and species, lost our humanity?

I hope for a better world, but how will we ever get past the hurt we heap upon each other.

I saw a blind woman being pulled from the wreckage of a collapsed hospital in Lebanon on one channel, and a child crying for her dead father in Tel Aviv on another.

Out of the ruins

Out from the wreckage

Can't make the same mistake this time

We are the children

the last generation

We are the ones they left behind

And I wonder when we are ever gonna change

Living under the fear till nothing else remains

Looking for something we can rely on

There's got to be something better out there

Love and compassion, their day is coming

All else are castles built in the air

And I wonder when we are ever gonna change

Living under the fear till nothing else remains

All the children say

We don't need another hero

We don't need to know the way home

All we want is life beyond the thunderdome

What do we do with our lives

We leave only a mark

Will our story shine like a life

Or end in the dark

Give it all or nothing

~Tina Turner~

2006-08-02T15:24:00.000-06:00

It seems that, as I have such a big fresh mouth, I would not have been able to resist this endeavor sooner.

If that comment makes any sense, we will get along just fine.

Being a gay Muslim is a rough road to tread. Rather than accept the limitations that either group has been forced to accept in our era, I have chosen the much harder path; to forge my own road as a unique creature. I have come to terms with my sexual identity as well as my spiritual identity, and I have done it by seeking only the most pragmatic of solutions. As I gained courage and strength from being a muslim in a christian world, instead of letting the dogma guide me, I chose to borrow that strength to find and forge my own view of enlightenment. A path that assumed that God knew best when he created me Gay. Any divine force that can create a universe, certainly knows how to get such a minor part of it as Andreus Thanos exactly the way he intended.

I am half Greek and half Persian, but my mother's side of the family emigrated to Croatia from the Persian lands centuries ago. I had the good fortune of being born in America, the place that they chose to build a life in together. Their relationship with each other as well as mine with them has never been anything less than intense and challenging. With so many cultural currents pulling in so many directions, we were almost doomed from the start as a functional family unit. But thats a story for later. For now, just understand that I've travelled the world with my family as a child and young man, and now as a young man on my own, trying to find my place in it.

The choices I have made have at times been as extreme as my heritage. I have no shame for doing whatever I have had to do to survive. I am an evolving creature with every passing day, so dont be suprised when I occasionally take a hard turn into uncharted territory. just buckle in, and you are welcome along. As long as we greet every life as sacred and every human being entitled to kindness, you are welcome.

This blog is where I want to continue my exploration of being a young gay man in search of love, fun, sexual expression, and acceptance while being a young Muslim man in search of his soul.

Its hard to figure out where the gay part meets with the Muslim part, and I have never faltered in the exploration.

Yeah... thats what we'll call it.

Exploration of my parts.

Of course, I've always needed a helping hand for for such undertakings.

what do you say?

are you up to it?